perfectionism Archives

Lessons from Love Island June 12, 2019 – Posted in: Advice, Confidence, Personal Development, Relationships

If, like me, you’re new to delights of Love Island you may, on first viewing, have been shocked on several levels: the amount of flesh on show (I realise this comment identifies me as seriously middle-aged but I grew up with Bananarama and Duran Duran and those guys wore their clothes on TV), the forced/heavily controlled environment (like Big Brother on speed) and the painful desperation of the contestants, all makes for very uncomfortable viewing.…

Have yourself a confident Christmas… November 30, 2017 – Posted in: Advice, Confidence, Personal Development, Relationships

For those of you who regularly read my blog and my advice column you’ll know that I’m all about authenticity and being real. Why? Because perfectionism and mask-wearing are two of the biggest barriers to confidence that I’ve come across in my six years as a coach. I’ve worked with hundreds of people (probably thousands now) and they all tell me that pretending to be someone or something they’re not feeds their insecurities. And dismantles…

Painfully perfect? May 15, 2017 – Posted in: Advice, Confidence, Personal Development

“I can’t possibly be a perfectionist! I never get anything right!” This was the response of my client to my suggestion that she was suffering with perfectionism. After she spoke I remained silent and slowly the realisation of what she’d said hit her… “Oh, wait!” she said, “If I wasn’t a perfectionist I wouldn’t always worry about getting everything right… Right?” BINGO! As a specialist in confidence issues I see perfectionism in my clients on…

On perfectionism November 23, 2015 – Posted in: Advice, Confidence

Hello Jo! A lot of us struggle with perfectionism – especially around creative projects, and it can get in the way of us finishing (sometimes even starting!) projects… Any advice on how to handle that? I think perfectionism is a BIG subject with a very simple solution once we can see what’s really going on.

Face Your Feelings July 20, 2015 – Posted in: Confidence, Personal Development

I’ve been thinking about the strategies we employ to deal with our feelings and how so many of these strategies backfire.

Step off the Competitive Parenting Hamster Wheel June 10, 2015 – Posted in: Leaders and Teams, Personal Development

Whether you’re a new mum or a seasoned parent of university leavers there is one thing that will poison your parenting like nothing else and that’s competitive child rearing. I first noticed this phenomenon when Beth, my first child, was about 4-months old and some of my new-mum peers starting competing to see whose child would hold their head steady first. Seriously! Then the race to weaning began swiftly followed by a competition to…

Fearing Failure November 19, 2014 – Posted in: Confidence

Many of the people I see in my coaching practice suffer with a fear of failure. In fact, I reckon if we all peeled back the layers of our psyche we’d likely find this fear of failure in some form or another. Fear of failure is a fear of being exposed or a fear of not being good enough. It’s also a fear of the unknown based on the belief that you ‘wouldn’t cope’ if…

Five Questions to Combat Stress November 12, 2014 – Posted in: Leaders and Teams, Personal Development

Recently I’ve been thinking about how I handle stress. You see, I used to think I was someone who handled it brilliantly, but actually what I think I was doing, was hiding it quite well. Therefore the stress built up, as did my denial about it. I used to want to be superwoman (I still do sometimes) and in my head superwoman coasted effortlessly through life, being lovely to everyone, coping with everything and looking…

The powerful medicine that is gratitude… October 29, 2014 – Posted in: Confidence, Personal Development

I’ve written about gratitude before but it’s worth returning to, as it’s so very, very powerful. If you are feeling low or frustrated or heartbroken then focussing on the small positive things in your life will give you a boost, take you momentarily away from your negative thoughts and give you a new perspective on your situation.

Letting Go of Outcomes October 22, 2014 – Posted in: Confidence, Personal Development

I have a client, we’ll call him Tim*, who used to be terribly worried about getting things right and not making mistakes. He worked a normal 40-hour week but then spent an additional 15-20 hours each week trying to improve the work he’d already done or spot any mistakes he might’ve missed. You might think Tim had a tyrannical boss but the truth is he works for himself, runs his own consultancy and therefore the…