As a specialist confidence coach for the last decade, I’ve come to see that my job is really very simple; I help clients to manage their thinking because just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true. Here’s an example of my own life… Just before I graduated from university in my twenties I spent a fruitless day shopping for an outfit for the end of term prom. Fruitless because I had very limited budget,…

Christmas comparisons can be a real downer for your self-esteem. And with Christmas fast approaching, I just wanted to give you my yearly reminder to not compare your festive season to others’ – especially those we see on all those sparkly TV ads. Christmas, like people, comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of us will be working, some of us will be alone. Some of us will be with people we really can’t stand, some…

Have you had enough of living small? Are you ready to do business with your low self-esteem? Is it time to unlock your potential? Would you like to learn the secrets to lasting confidence in just 21 days? If you are ready, if you want to change, then I can help you reclaim your confidence for good! I’m delighted to announce that my brand new email course is now available for you to build your…

By signing up for my email course, 21 Days To Confidence, you’ve taken the first step to long-lasting confidence. Remember to follow me on Instagram for your daily confidence-boosting tips. Before we start tomorrow… Go out and grab yourself a nice journal and a decent pen. This will help keep all your notes and learnings in one place.  The brain works differently when you write as to when you type so a pen is preferable…

Have you always wanted to be more confident but worry that people will think you’re arrogant if you do?   I hear this a lot and it holds so many people back from accessing deep confidence because they are worried it will alienate them from other people. Let me tell you what I know.  I know—in fact, I know for sure—that arrogance is a million miles from true confidence.  Arrogance, cockiness and bullishness are usually masks people wear to hide their deep insecurities.  Often arrogant people have resorted to control tactics in…

What has love got to do with confidence? Well… Everything, actually. True love wants your freedom You see, to truly love another person is to want their growth, their freedom, and their joy.  Remember the old adage, “If you love someone let them go”? What it’s saying is that genuine love is not about ownership or control but about wanting to nurture and support the object of your affection in order that they can truly shine and truly live as who they…

Lots of people who struggle with their confidence find it hard to say ‘no’. The two things go hand in hand.   Do you find it hard to say ‘no’ to people?  Do you find yourself doing things you don’t want to do and then getting resentful all because you couldn’t say ‘no’? Do you feel like a doormat? If so, then keep reading. Knowledge is power The first step to building up the confidence…

As a coach, I am always on the lookout for the themes that run through my clients’ lives.  Why? Because these themes usually point us in the direction of where you might be stuck and where, exactly, the root of your confidence issues might lie. More recently I’ve been struck by the universal themes I am hearing across so many of my clients’ lives. Two questions keep coming up;“Who will I be after the pandemic?” and “How will I return to ‘normality’ with confidence?” The pandemic has changed us all and…

Learn how to build true and lasting confidence in a few easy steps Contrary to popular belief, true confidence is not an exclusive elixir given to a chosen few. You have confidence.  You were born with confidence.  True confidence is your birthright.  I used to wonder how on earth people were so confident and how they seemed so at ease with themselves. It took the suicide of a friend and my own brush with cancer…

If you’re anything like I used to be, you will be feeling the pressure this month to set goals and resolutions for the coming year.  And conduct an annual stocktake of sorts, perhaps. So, if you’ve read any of my January blogs over the past 8 years, you’ll know that I’ve given up with resolutions because they just don’t work! However, I am a believer in taking stock and setting intentions; I advocate looking back before you…

I was chatting with a client on Wednesday who was relaying to me how, at a recent dinner party, a woman had lambasted him because he didn’t hold the same world-view as her. From her self-appointed position of having the moral high ground (because she wasn’t a man running a business like him) she scorned and derided my client based on her narrow and completely unfounded assumptions of him.  She then used one of my…

At home, my husband and the kids are calling 2019 ’the year of the catsuit’ because I wore a white catsuit to marry that amazing man in April and a black catsuit last month to win Executive Coach of the Year at The International Coaching Awards!  What a moment that was! The catsuit I can’t even begin to tell you what that award means to me; to have my corporate work with teams and leaders…

As someone who has come to understand how important ‘plugging in’ spiritually is to her life, I have developed a rudimentary and ever-changing spiritual practice.  But, before you run for the hills in horror at how pious that sounds, please understand that the words ‘rudimentary’ and ‘practice’ are foremost in that sentence. Like a lot of us, I have found traditional religion tricky to stomach and I am tired of other people’s dogma.  So, I…

For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you will no doubt have seen that I spent 10 days catering for our five kids in a tent in Cornwall during one of the most crazy storms the South West has seen in a while.  My amazing husband spent two sleepless nights outside pegging and re-pegging the tent while the kids slept soundly through the whole thing!  For me, it was like trying to rest…

I have had to let go of many things in my life; old habits that were no longer serving me, old unhelpful thoughts and self-limiting beliefs, old favourite clothes that were worn through, old homes my expanding family had outgrown, old ways of working etc.  Always, before letting go, there was a period of trying to cling on (denial) and always, during letting go, there has been some kind of sadness.  More often than not,…

If, like me, you’re new to delights of Love Island you may, on first viewing, have been shocked on several levels: the amount of flesh on show (I realise this comment identifies me as seriously middle-aged but I grew up with Bananarama and Duran Duran and those guys wore their clothes on TV), the forced/heavily controlled environment (like Big Brother on speed) and the painful desperation of the contestants, all makes for very uncomfortable viewing.…

I was lucky enough to marry my partner recently.  After going through divorce in 2011 and then spending 6-years as a single person with three children, it really did feel like a pinnacle moment in my life to be marrying my soul mate.  We had the most amazing, joyous day and then spent a week on a gorgeous island in the sun together.  We were literally lavished with cards, gifts, good will and messages of…

I was recently asked to write a piece for net doctor.co.uk on managing stress.  Here’s the article in full below: What is stress? There are many definitions but for me, I realised many years ago that I experienced stress when I believed the critical, fearful voice in my head (which, FYI is usually lying!) and this then caused a chemical response in my body (fight or flight).  Exposure to these toxic thoughts and overload of chemicals on a regular basis…

I remember the first time I ever gave a speech at work to a group of people in my mid-twenties; my ENTIRE body was shaking with nerves to the point where I couldn’t read my notes because the paper was shuddering around so much.  My palms were sweating, my face was flushed and my voice was all over the place.  Hardly the perfect ingredients for a decent speech. BUT… I kept going (I had to)…

Valentine’s Day is marketed to us as a ‘day for lovers’ and, of course, in some ways it is.  It’s a day to maybe put extra thought into your primary relationship and make more effort to show your special person just how much they mean to you. But, I would argue that every day is a day for lovers because actively loving your partner (and yourself) is the key to keeping your relationship happy every…

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was passionately reminding me how unfair she believes things are for women in this day and age.  This is because by doing the bulk of the childcare (which a lot of women choose to do) they lose out financially, both at the time of caring for their little ones and when they return to work.  She was very angry about the gender pay gap.…

I was ten when I started to believe I had fat legs. It needs to be said at this stage that I categorically did not have fat legs (I was a skinny kid) but I absolutely believed I did have fat legs and they immediately became a source of shame for me. I clearly remember looking at a photo of myself in my Tammy Girl white-with-pink-dots rah-rah skirt (I was a girl of my time…

Have you ever noticed how much fear mongering our society engages in?  Just stop and think about the messages we all receive (and generate) on a daily basis: “Lose 10lbs in 10 days!” based on the assumption that you are afraid your current weight is not acceptable. “Work hard at school otherwise you’ll never get a good job.” = fear of financial insecurity. “85{d7c98303840e9670c9916fdf0bd27d8ee2ea81283fe225d13ffb23906534ed7b} of women agreed this cream gave them younger looking skin,” which…

I first heard the expression ‘Life on Life’s terms’ in my twenties when I was a messed-up, confused, unhappy young woman who couldn’t seem to find any peace or contentment in her life.  The wise old bird who suggested I try to accept life on life’s terms had herself been a messed-up, confused, unhappy young woman, who had discovered the power of acceptance to transform her into the serene, wise, contented person she now was. …

# This is a blog about the “can’t do” lies we tell ourselves… # This is a blog about growing your confidence muscle day by day # This is a blog that proves that you don’t need to be really confident at something in order to be able to do it. # This is a blog about confidence and cycling – not how to be a confident cyclist but how cycling has reinforced everything I…

Everyone struggles with his or her confidence from time to time but for some of us, self-doubt and low self-esteem are constant companions, scuppering our abilities to reach our potential. But imagine if I told you that you could learn the skills you need to grow and maintain your confidence in just one week!  Would you be willing to learn and practice them?  I bet you would!  These are skills that you will have to…

“If you don’t go within, you go without” – meditation is the key to finding stress relief and answers within yourself (rather than in caffeine, sugar, or Google) and it’s something you can do pretty much anywhere and everywhere.  For quick five minute meditation, I do this… – Find somewhere where you’ll be undisturbed for five minutes – the loo, your car, a bench, your desk – and set your alarm to stop you fretting about…

When I first started learning to meditate (seven years ago) I made the classic rookie error of thinking the aim of the entire process was to utterly clear my mind.  This resulted in many failed and frustrated attempts as mine is a mind that really doesn’t want to be emptied, and it turns out that’s not the point of meditation anyway. Meditation and its more secular cousin, mindfulness, are practices that enable you to understand…

If I had a pound for every time someone has apologised to me for crying in a coaching session I would be a very wealthy woman! “Oh God! Jo, I’m so sorry to cry.” “Sorry for the tears, Jo.” “How embarrassing – I’m crying! I’m really sorry, Jo” “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry and here I am!  Sorry!” and on and on… My response to this is the same every time. “Tears are the…

January is usually a time that we take stock of where we are and start to re-evaluate whether we’re in the right place. This is very true of work, so here are my five tips for healthier habits to boost your career. Do a job you love and do it well The best way to succeed at work is to find something you enjoy doing and then do it to the very best of your…

Usually, at this time of the year, I write about how it is better to set goals rather than make resolutions because resolutions usually involve giving something up (which makes us automatically want to do that thing more!) whereas goals are positive things we can work towards (which the brain finds easier to digest).  But, this year I thought I’d take a slightly different approach because, let’s face it, the pressure is on us all…

For those of you who regularly read my blog and my advice column you’ll know that I’m all about authenticity and being real. Why? Because perfectionism and mask-wearing are two of the biggest barriers to confidence that I’ve come across in my six years as a coach. I’ve worked with hundreds of people (probably thousands now) and they all tell me that pretending to be someone or something they’re not feeds their insecurities. And dismantles…

So many people think that confidence is something we are either born with or not but this is a lie!  Confidence is a muscle – we all have a confidence muscle but some of us haven’t learnt to exercise it yet. If you want tight, strong tummy muscles you go to the gym to do your sit ups, crunches, planks, and leg raises 3-4 times a week, you also watch your diet and, lo and…

  I was listening to a podcast recently on which an eminent psychotherapist was asked what she would say to those who remain cynical about the effectiveness of talking therapies.  Her answer was simple, “Your past is not your destiny,” she replied, before explaining how counsellors, coaches and psychotherapists are all in the business of helping their clients detach from their past in order to create a new future. I think I punched the air. …

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you just accepted everything as it is without judgement, without trying to change other people, and without complaint? What if life were a river you were simply required to swim in; going with the flow, navigating all the twists and turns, and rocks and rapids, and tranquil spots along the way? How would your life be if you stopped trying to control everything and…

Meet Sam.  It’s his first day in a new job.  A top marketing job no less in a company he’s admired for years!  He’s excited about the project, the prospects and the people.  He’s joined forces with a team of executives who all say they want the same thing.  He and his team all agree they want to win.  They want to beat the competition and be the best they can be.   Sam leaves for…

Your inner sparkle is THE ONLY sparkle you should be interested in showing to the world.  Why?  Because it’s the real you and that’s what’s always most attractive.  Your inner sparkle is unique and you’ll know you’ve found it when you feel like you are flowing through life, connecting easily with people, and generally attracting positive things into your world. How to find it… STOP comparing yourself to others and start concentrating on being truly…

My daughters were recently given a beautiful patchwork quilt made by my beloved grandmother.  In fact, it was the last thing she made before she died over 20-years ago so they are delighted and deeply touched to have it. They are young, modern kids who love YouTube and gymnastics and shopping sprees.  But they also have huge respect for anything authentic and homemade, especially things they can tell have been made with love and kindness.…

Clients often work with me because they want to find out what their purpose is in life.  Or even, what the purpose is of life itself. Here’s what I’ve discovered… Life is about giving – not taking.  Our culture teaches us to grab, and compete, and grasp for stuff/people/experiences/status etc but I believe if you give freely of yourself to life it will always just give back to you.  In spades!  Giving is something I…

“I can’t possibly be a perfectionist!  I never get anything right!” This was the response of my client to my suggestion that she was suffering with perfectionism.  After she spoke I remained silent and slowly the realisation of what she’d said hit her… “Oh, wait!” she said, “If I wasn’t a perfectionist I wouldn’t always worry about getting everything right… Right?” BINGO! As a specialist in confidence issues I see perfectionism in my clients on…

I was recently interviewed by America’s Danielle Longano for her Sunshine Summit.  The purpose of the summit being to help people start becoming their best selves and live their best lives. You can listen to the full 30-minute interview here. In it, you will hear me saying repeatedly that our best lives are born out of truth.  I believe I can only be my best when I’m operating from a position of authenticity and truth. Operating from truth means…

As a Confidence Coach, one of my main pieces of work is helping my clients identify when they are listening to fear and how this then manifests in their lives.  Fear is a very debilitating condition to live with on a long term basis: it causes us to stay in relationships/jobs/situations that no longer feed us, it tells us we can’t cope with life, it tells us we are not worthy and that everyone else…

Sometimes you just need to be aware of the signs that life is sending your way… This morning I found myself caught up in needless worry. An old habit that I thought I’d laid to rest. But, for some mysterious reason this morning it was back. Back with a vengeance! Now, I know what to do with worry. I’ve written a book about it for goodness sakes!  This is how to stop worrying… Notice it…

I awoke this morning knowing what was likely to be happening in America before I even saw the news. In fact, I think I’ve known for weeks because on a very real level the world is changing and I believe the only way to navigate these changes with any kind of sanity is to practice acceptance and to STOP buying into all the fear mongering and hatred.

This post first appeared as an article on my LinkedIn page… Yesterday, I responded to a personal post in my feed from a man called Peter Brady (not my connection) about his recent wedding. He popped up a picture of his beautiful bride telling us how happy he was whilst acknowledging that his news wasn’t ‘work related’. I commented that I was glad to see into someone’s personal life on LinkedIn, which caused some strong…

I was absolutely blown away by a 22-year old soldier named Jack Davis on the TV this morning. He was on a breakfast show talking about true courage. Nothing to do with war. Nothing to do with guns. Nothing to do with combat.

Comparing yourself to another person will never give you the self-esteem you seek. Either you’ll decide you’re better than them, which will deliver a fleeting ego-hit that will leave you feeling uncomfortably superior but distanced from that person OR you’ll find yourself lacking, which will leave you deflated, self-loathing and resentful (oh, and again distanced from that other person).

In my work with corporate teams and leaders I am constantly struck by the huge importance of trust. In fact, I would argue that trust is the foundation stone of any functioning team (by which I include families, social groups, online groups etc).

Like many people here in the UK, I’ve been blindsided by my country’s decision to leave the EU especially when, for many of us, it’s not the decision I would’ve taken. It feels a little like divorce – utterly devastating and closely resembling a landslide.

We all know that actions speak louder than words and this is especially pertinent when it comes to compassion. You see, we might feel compassion for a person but unless we show it that person will be none the wiser.

Some of the most confident people I know are also the most compassionate, and I find this link really interesting. What is it about compassion that connects us to our confidence?

BKTY As you know I’m writing about kindness this month, as I believe it’s a crucial element in cultivating a confident, authentic life. I totally and emphatically believe that the kinder we are to others the better we feel about ourselves. But, this needs to start at home, with ourselves. Someone once sent me a text saying, simply; “BKTY” I had to text her back and ask what she meant. “Be Kind To Yourself,” came…

I have a strong belief that all unkindness is rooted in unhappiness and fear. The people I know who are frequently unkind are usually very, very unhappy with themselves and with their lives. They are afraid of what people think of them, they are afraid of rejection, afraid that someone might be ‘better’ than them in some way, afraid of the future etc., etc… So, if someone is unkind they are probably unhappy and afraid.…

I once worked with a woman whose marriage was over after 20 years. She was absolutely devastated and had fought to keep the relationship going despite her husband wanting a divorce for many years. “I don’t understand it,” she said, “I was so nice to him. I was kind, I was loving, I was the perfect wife!”

I can’t believe it’s May already! This month we’re going to be exploring kindness; the fifth topic in our year-long series about the qualities and principles that make up true, genuine confidence. What is kindness? The dictionary comes up with definitions that focus on how our kindness affects others, for example, “kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate,” and, “kindness is a behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern…

As part of my month of looking at love and our relationships with others, I’m excited to share with you a guest blog from my dear friend and fellow coach, Ané Auret, on making love work in intimate relationships.  As a dating and relationship coach I work with people every day on helping them overcome what is holding back from finding the person they want to spend their life with. The things that drive the…

Over the years I’ve often seen quotes suggesting that in order to attract true love into your life you have to ‘be’ true love in your life. And this used to really confuse me. But, I think I understand it a bit better now. As a culture we’re programmed to think that we will ‘be’ a certain person once we ‘get’ a certain thing.

This morning my two youngest daughters returned to school after a two-week Easter break. Poor Nancy, my 7 year old, was feeling really nervous and asked to stay home. I know, as her mum, that this would not be a loving thing to do. It would be easy to let her stay home and it would give her what she wanted, but it wouldn’t be the most loving thing to do. The most loving thing was…

I was recently approached by a father who wanted me to work with his daughter so that she could become the focussed, academic, A* student he knew she could be. He wanted the best for her and could see that she wasn’t reaching her potential. He was very keen for her to have coaching. She, on the other hand, was determined (at age 19) to find her own path. She didn’t want to go to…

Welcome to April; the month in which we explore what is means to love another. We’ll look at all kinds of ideas this month (send me your questions if you have them!) but today I want to start with a tricky one…

As we come to the end of self-love month I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me just yesterday. Because sometimes (oftentimes) we need the love and guidance of another person in order to recapture our sense of self-love.

Are you someone who is always waiting to get to that magical place called ‘there’? You know the place I mean… “When I’m promoted (‘there’), I’ll be confident.” “When I marry my soulmate (‘there’), I’ll be happy.” “When I’ve paid off the mortgage (‘there’), I’ll feel settled.” “When I’ve had a baby (‘there’), I’ll be contented.” “When I’m perfect (‘there’), I’ll start loving myself…”

While a healthy approach to risk can help you move forward, a cautious approach could be hindering you from reaching your full potential. I’m excited to share my feature in Good Housekeeping this month, talking about our different approaches to risk. Pick up a copy today! 

I’ve been doing a lot of work away from home recently and last week I got chatting to a couple of guys over our hotel breakfasts. I love meeting new people and these guys were fascinating. Both were in their early forties, both had been married and gone through similarly painful divorces over a decade ago, both were dads and both worked hard travelling the UK with their jobs.

Somebody asked me last week why I was writing about self-love when I’m a confidence coach. They couldn’t see the link, and for many years I don’t think I could see the link either.   I can now.

If you read Tuesday’s post about the benefits of self-love, you’ll know that I promised to start giving you tips on how you might start the life-long process of learning to be good to yourself today. I’ll be exploring this topic in depth throughout March, and today we’ll make a start together…

March is LOVE month here at Jo Emerson Coaching – not the romantic stuff, but self love, which, ultimately, will make you a better lover so keep reading… When I first heard the term ‘self love’ a couple of decades ago I was filled with actual horror. I mean, what arrogance to think that a person might love themselves! I was so busy playing myself down and mostly hating myself in order to gain approval…

One of the things I do as a coach is help people to manage their fear in healthier ways. This is something I continue to learn how to do myself, because we can all get lost in fear. Today, I know how to get out (should I choose to). Here’s an excerpt from my soon-to-be-published book, Flying for Beginners…

One of the most exciting aspects of my job is helping people to be truthful with themselves… It’s fascinating just how many lies we tell ourselves and how these lies disempower us.

I remember working with a client years ago who was really struggling to make the change he’d told me he wanted for his life. He’d set goals to get a big promotion at work and to find a partner to settle down with and start a family. He seemed pretty driven to achieve these things and was an incredibly capable man, but was nonetheless struggling to make any progress.

Each month this year I’m going to be writing about a different topic and February is truth month! So, why do I want to talk about truth? Because I believe our lack of truth-telling underpins so many of our problems.

As part of my job I get asked by organisations to help their teams work better together. These forward-thinking companies have realised that happy staff make more productive staff, and so they know that productivity will be down if the team isn’t gelling. And many, many teams are simply not gelling! Just like many of our closest domestic relationships might not be gelling…

I’m often asked to tell someone what I do in a nutshell and I always give the same answer… “I plug people back into themselves.”

The average woman criticises herself at least eight times a day, says a new study. Remind you of anyone? I was delighted to offer advice to readers of Saga Magazine this month on managing that critical voice. Read the full article here.

Here in the UK we talk a lot about having the ‘January blues’ because the cold weather and post-Christmas comedown are foremost in people’s minds. So, to my mind that means January is the best time to talk about joy! Because true joy has less to do with what’s happening on the outside and far more to do with what’s happening on the inside.

  I’ve been struck this week by the number of people on social media dreading the return to reality after the Christmas break. The holidays can be wonderful of course, but I believe that the ‘everyday’ can be just as wonderful if we choose to see it.

What would you do today if you knew you were somehow being taken care of by a benevolent force? That Life was on track and your job was to simply live well today. What would you do?

I recently wrote an advice column in Pick Me Up Magazine in response to a woman who was dreading Christmas with her in-laws. She wanted a perfect day and was frustrated that this wouldn’t be possible in the presence of her tricky mother and father-in-law. Sound familiar?

We’re approaching the end of 2015 and I find myself struck by all that’s changed in my life over the past 12 months…

Sometimes you just have to let go of things or people or situations. Not because you’ve failed or they’ve failed. Maybe just because it simply isn’t working any more. Einstein said that insanity is, ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.’ I can see now that before I let go of something I will often be caught up in the insanity Einstein describes. Letting go often isn’t easy –…

I’m blessed to have some incredibly wise people in my life and one of them has just said this… “Practising acceptance does not mean doing nothing. Rather, it means staying with the uncomfortable feelings whilst praying, meditating and thinking on what the next right action is to take.”

Today and just for today try this… try to imagine what life would be like if you genuinely loved and cared for your body.

We’re approaching the end of 2015 and I find myself struck by all that’s changed in my life over the past 12 months…

For years I had no idea what self love was and, in fact, I probably thought it was a narcissism in disguise. Today, I better understand what self love is and why it’s so important for us all to practice and develop it.

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I’ve ever been given is to remember that my job, as a mum, is to develop adults. This I’ve taken to mean that the over-arching goal of my work as a parent of young children has been to help those kids become ready for adult life. Remembering this goal has really helped when faced with a tricky decision over one of my daughters or when I’ve had…

Are you suffering from stress and struggling to cope? Try these 5 great stress busters in Runners World, including some advice from me…

I have several clients at the moment who are grieving. Some are grieving people, some are grieving the loss of a job or a relationship. One is grieving the loss of his independence. Whatever we grieve it’s vital to understand that it’s a process and one that can’t be rushed or forced.

I read this the other day, “Cherish need because it is part of our relationship to the Universe.” The writer was talking about how beautiful life can be when we allow ourselves to need God/Source/Universe/Life/Nature to provide for certain aspects of our lives and how, when we trust that these needs will be met, we can let go and get on with living our lives.

One of the main problems my clients come to see me about is ‘other people’. My clients often feel stressed out by, disappointed in and persecuted by other people and come to me to work out ways in which to change those people.

Hello Jo! A lot of us struggle with perfectionism – especially around creative projects, and it can get in the way of us finishing (sometimes even starting!) projects… Any advice on how to handle that?  I think perfectionism is a BIG subject with a very simple solution once we can see what’s really going on.

Sometimes it is so hard to let go. Often, despite all the evidence to leave a situation/person/place/job we cling to it emotionally (if not physically). Why?

One of the best ways in which to manage life is to practice living in the 24 hours you have. So many of us get caught up in worrying about the future or reliving the past. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying happy memories or making plans for the future but our focus must be on the present moment if we are to be sane, happy and fulfilled.

Two things I’ve been blessed with throughout my life are the knowledge that change is always possible and the determination to find a way to create that change. Sometimes change comes quickly and sometimes change comes agonisingly slowly, but it always comes IF I BELIEVE IT.

One of the greatest privileges of my job is hearing people’s “stuff”. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being present for someone when they finally talk about the thing that’s been haunting and tormenting them for years. To be a vessel for this truth and courage is, quite frankly, an enormous honour. It’s a moment of deep connection and beauty – the kinda thing I live for! But, I am always troubled by what it is…

I’m so proud to announce the launch of my eCourse, 5 Steps to Lasting Confidence.  I know how crippling low self esteem can be. For decades, I wore a confident mask whilst suffering with low self esteem, believing the voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough – as a professional, as a mother, as a friend and as a woman. I spent a large chunk of my life struggling against my own…

I have three daughters aged 11, 8 and 6. They are my pride and joy. They are also darned hard work! Last night, the eldest two were stressed. One was worrying about something at school, the other couldn’t get to sleep. In a flash moment of clarity I decided to teach them some basic mindfulness. This was a moment of inspiration – it came from outside of me and I’ve learnt to pay heed to…

I was working with a client earlier who credits her loss of confidence to her body size. She’s a UK size 12, i.e. normal, slim, just about right.

As you know, I’m a confidence coach and so, by definition, I should be able to tell you exactly what confidence is. But, it’s not as simple as that! In my experience, of working with hundreds of people from all walks of life, confidence is a multi-faceted concept that means different things to different people.

This weekend I was in London with three school friends. I’ve known these incredible women for 30 years and we talk about everything!

Are you a shy runner? In this month’s Womens’ Running Magazine, I offer some advice on how to overcome feelings of self-consciousness when running in public. Read more here.

Today, just for the next 24 hours, try to accept that life is just as it should be, that you are being taken care of, that all is well. Just for today, try to focus on doing the next right thing in each moment. When I remember to do this I have a peaceful, productive day. The alternative is worrying and pushing and striving and stressing. Just for today I’m going to choose peace and…

As many of you know I have three daughters aged 11, 8 and 6. I also have the honour of ‘borrowing’ other people’s children for periods of time as a foster parent to older teenagers. We’ve been fostering as a family for nearly six years and it’s been a wonderful, life-affirming and challenging experience to share our home, our hearts and our lives with the young people who’ve joined our family.

A while ago I received some life-changing news that rocked my world and, sporadically over the ensuing months, I’ve been coming to terms with it and trying to find a comfortable shape for it to fit into my life.

I’ve written before about this being a ‘giving life’, by which I mean that I find meaning and value in the every day when my intention is to give to others, to bless others, to look for ways in which I can serve the world.

I was talking with a client in a session recently and he remarked at how much his marriage had improved since (after encouragement from me) he’d told his wife how he’d been feeling about a certain issue in his life.

I remember about twenty years ago when I was first introduced to the concept of ‘self love’ and being, quite frankly, appalled! It was totally alien to me to think that people loved themselves. In fact, I probably thought that to do so was big headed, egotistical and narcissistic.

When I first became a mum in 2004 my own childhood came into stark relief and I realised in a fresh way just how painful and traumatic much of my early years had been. With this in mind I became driven to do it differently with my own children to the point where I became a perfectionist about my parenting. One cross word from me to my daughter and I felt an immediate avalanche of…

Nothing in this life is permanent apart from our sense of self and our connection to a higher consciousness. Everything else is on loan. This means our children are on loan to us, our parents, our friends and our colleagues. Some people are loaned to us for decades, others for a day but no one person is yours for the keeping no matter how much you’d like them to be. Our stuff is also on…

When you believe you can’t do something you are likely to prove yourself right – because you probably won’t try or you’ll give up after the first attempt.

It’s a commonly held misconception in spiritual circles that anger is ‘wrong’ in some way. But is it?

Are you someone who worries about the future and spends time fretting about the past? Most of us can relate to this state of mind and we all know it gets us nowhere. For some of us, this way of thinking becomes entrenched and consumes the majority of our thought-life, meaning we can never enjoy the moment. I know because I used to live this way myself.

Life is about unlearning fear through the practice of love…

One of the best things I’ve been taught to do in recent years is to ‘let go and let life do its thing’. However, truly letting go is also one of the hardest things to achieve – it takes practice and persistence.

How often do you hear people saying that so-and-so has ‘made them feel’ a certain way? How often have you blamed others for your own feelings or situation in life?

Strength and vulnerability are NOT mutually exclusive…

Where does your self-esteem come from?

Many years ago I was introduced to the concept of living life in 24-hour chunks. It was a very alien concept for someone who was well versed in worrying about/regretting/resenting the past and worrying about/fearing/plotting the future. In fact, the concept was so foreign to me that I failed to integrate it into my life because I just couldn’t see how it would be possible to live one day at a time.

How much value do you place on your worrying? What I mean by this is, how much do you feel you can effect in life by worrying? Many people believe that it’s their job and duty to worry. They wear their concern like a uniform.

One of the biggest challenges of modern life is how to juggle our work with our family commitments. Whilst some parents choose to stay home with their kids (and hats off to them!), most of us have to work or choose to work AND raise our kids.   So, how can you manage this in order to feel like you’re winning at both? For me it comes down to three things – drop the guilt,…

If there’s one thing my clients have in common it’s a VERY critical voice on their shoulder, chirruping away with statements like these: 1. “You’re not good enough.’” 2. “You should be thinner/fatter/fitter/prettier/younger/richer!” 3. “They don’t like you!” 4. “Everyone else is doing better than you!” 5. “It’s all going to go wrong…”

Let me tell you about a client of mine who I worked with several years ago… James* was a straight-A student who couldn’t get out of bed or do any studying. He was also taking painkillers by the handful, drinking every day and had stopped eating. Having been predicted a first class degree in his first and second years at university, he now risked being thrown off his course.

I’ve been thinking about the strategies we employ to deal with our feelings and how so many of these strategies backfire.

At my most recent Food For Thought session we looked at our relationships…

If there’s one thing I’ve come to terms with and accepted in recent years it’s that the only certainty in life is uncertainty. For years I tried to control every aspect of my life and it was a bit like trying to peg down a tent in high winds. Because my life can’t be pegged down and neither can yours!

How easy do you find it to allow yourself to be vulnerable? If you’re like most people the answer to that question is probably “not very.” I’m of the opinion that one of our greatest problems as a race is our inability to be vulnerable because it leads to mask wearing, isolation and anxiety.

Today I’ve been thinking a lot about how fear is so closely related to control. For example, if you are someone who worries (feels fear) about the future then this is likely because you don’t know what will happen, i.e. you are not in control! And, as a race, we don’t like to be without control…!

As a society we are encouraged to blame other people for our situations. This is evident in the PPI sales-calls we all get, the accident claim adverts on TV, our conversations about our politicians, the divorce courts, the children’s playground and on and on…

I have a theory about life and it goes something like this … when we focus on what we can give to life rather than what we can get out of it we become much happier, more fulfilled people (and we get what we need anyway).

Let’s talk about relationships. Because whatever problems you have in your relationships (with others, with yourself, with life itself) is likely to be fear-based. We tend to be fearful of one (or some, or all) of the following…

Hello, You are not your past. Do you know that? You’re not your past. Your past is an influencing factor in your present – we all have memories locked away that can trigger learnt (automatic) responses today – but you are not your past unless you choose to live there.

I was chatting to someone recently over coffee about body image and how we can all get caught up in comparing ourselves to others all the time. And, when we compare ourselves we are either engaging in pride (my body is better than theirs) or fear (their body is better than mine). Neither is healthy, neither is loving.

I was recently in London, running a corporate workshop on how to give and receive feedback effectively. It was a brilliant day with some wonderful people and I think I learnt as much as they did. What’s interesting is that wherever I go I encounter the same communication stumbling blocks in the people I meet. A key block on Friday was the sense that it’s somehow bad to get something wrong. And when we believe…

Whether you’re a new mum or a seasoned parent of university leavers there is one thing that will poison your parenting like nothing else and that’s competitive child rearing.   I first noticed this phenomenon when Beth, my first child, was about 4-months old and some of my new-mum peers starting competing to see whose child would hold their head steady first. Seriously! Then the race to weaning began swiftly followed by a competition to…

Today, be grateful. Whatever you have be thankful you have it. Whatever you don’t have be thankful too (when you eventually get it you’ll realise why you had to wait). Be grateful for those you love. Send warmth to those you struggle with (they are likely teaching you something about yourself). Write a list of ten things you are grateful for and get on with your day. Live to the best of your ability today…

Hello, How much value do you place on your worrying? I know that sounds like a crazy question but just think about it for a minute. I know that for years (until I was in my mid-thirties) I actually thought that I was somehow controlling the outcome of a situation by worrying about it. Or, that if I stopped worrying I would be giving ‘life’ permission to do it’s worst.

I’ve been realising increasingly that happiness or being ‘sorted’ is not about how my life looks from the outside but how I choose to respond to whatever happens. If I respond in fear or frustration I am likely to make a situation worse (or certainly feel worse about it) but, if I respond from a place of acceptance and calm I will likely retain my sense of balance and I then stand a far better…

Hello, I read this recently and thought, “YES!”: “As we demonstrate love towards others, we learn that we are lovable and we learn how to love more deeply. However, as we demonstrate fear or negativity, we learn self-condemnation and we learn to feel more frightened of life.”

Hello, As a confidence coach I’m often asked what I do in order to be more confident. And my answer is that it’s not so much what I do but what I THINK that allows me to have a confident day.

I bumped into an old friend to this morning who told me this … “Letting go is often the HARDEST thing to achieve but when we do FREEDOM comes and the thing we want either arrives or we realise we don’t actually need it after all!”

I was coaching a client yesterday who had come to the realisation that the only certainty in life is uncertainty. It’s one of those tricky paradoxes that we all live with on a daily basis; some days more keenly than others. None of us know what’s going to happen later today, tomorrow or next week. We have our plans and our hopes but sometimes life has other ideas.

You know when you keep hearing the same phrase repeated over a period of time? Well, over the past 24 hours I’ve read and heard the phrase, “it’s always darkest before the dawn” three times. I think life is trying to tell me something!

Hello, Here’s what I’m mulling today… “He who says he can and he who says he can’t are both usually right” – Confucius

Confidence is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children, especially in this era of constant peer comparison on social media. But, how on earth do you instill self-belief into your child?   Aside from the basics of love, nurture, support and clear boundaries it’s my conviction that the more I allow my daughters to do things independently of me the more confidence they gain. This can be in the small things…

It’s so easy to look around and see what’s wrong with the world, your life, your day, the weather, that person, etc. Negativity abounds in our culture – the news is teeming with stories of ‘bad things’ happening in a ‘bad world’, we connect with strangers by complaining about the rain and we’re encouraged on TV to revel in our misery by making financial claims for things that have gone wrong. Why do we glory…

When I was expecting my first child eleven years ago I devoured parenting books with the same passion I had once reserved for the annuals of my favourite pop bands. Why? Because I was SO concerned about “getting it right” and not screwing up my daughter.   When she was born I clearly remember doing everything the midwife told me to the letter, again because I was intensely afraid of getting it wrong. When the…

I feel caught in a dilemma. Some time back I got into a relationship with someone for whom I developed very strong feelings. Sadly the relationship quickly broke down because of some complex family issues that she had to deal with. It happened so fast that at the time I felt very confused and sad and wasn’t quite sure what to believe. We have managed to stay friends and I do trust her much more…

How many times have you faced a decision in life that you’ve agonised over? I know that I’ve been in this situation on more than one occasion and the hours spent deliberating can be exhausting and, often, fruitless. If you are someone who lacks confidence then you will likely canvass everyone you know for their opinion on, ‘what you should do’. The problem with this is that everyone is likely to offer you a different…

How much do you try to control the outcomes of your life? To try and make people think how you want them to think, or to get that promotion you want, or to force that guy to fall in love with you…?

I’m 39 and a mum. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years but am finding it very hard and strange. He always has his phone locked. I can see I have no say over his phone – it’s his and that’s it – but I’ve seen a lot of women he used to chat up on chat rooms and WhatsApp on there and I’ve seen porn on his laptop and phone.

Since a big relationship break up in 2013 and becoming a freelancer, I’ve been living and working on my own, which has caused problems mentally. I am finding myself being anxious about any kind of ‘relationship’, work/sexual/even just sitting in the same room as people… and the more time I spend away from it, the worse it seems to get. I have to really pluck up courage to do the simplest of tasks – like…

I wanted to ask you about a relationship dilemma I have. I have been ‘dating’ someone on and off for over a year. We split up after 6 months because he was going through a difficult time with his son and emotionally withdrew or disappeared. I took this as a sign that he wasn’t interested in a relationship and got on with meeting other people.

Set with enthusiasm and all good intentions, resolutions are meant to improve our lives. The problem, as we all know, is that they are usually ‘broken’ by the end of January, leaving us feeling dejected, despondent and cross with ourselves. I was caught in this trap for many, many years until one Christmas I thought I’d set goals for the coming year instead of make resolutions, the focus being on things I could achieve over…

So, here we all are at the end of another year and counting the days to Christmas. If, like me, you have young children at home then the excitement will likely be reaching fever pitch especially with all the parties, nativities and mufti days adding to the already heady cocktail of anticipation and exhaustion. There’s no doubt this is a magical and special time of the year but there are many for whom Christmas is difficult…

On Sunday, my seven-year-old daughter, Eva, decided to, “test whether what mummy says about things being dangerous is true or not,” by putting her hand on top of the wood burner. It had been on for an hour and she badly burnt her hand. In hindsight, I could write about how interesting it is to me that my first reaction was anger, “What did you do that for?” followed quickly by fear and compassion for…

A growing part of my work involves relationship coaching; the essence of which is enabling people better understand each other. This applies to teams, families and couples who bravely agree to the intervention of a third party in order to live with more clarity and cohesion in the future.

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Many of the people I see in my coaching practice suffer with a fear of failure. In fact, I reckon if we all peeled back the layers of our psyche we’d likely find this fear of failure in some form or another. Fear of failure is a fear of being exposed or a fear of not being good enough. It’s also a fear of the unknown based on the belief that you ‘wouldn’t cope’ if…

Recently I’ve been thinking about how I handle stress. You see, I used to think I was someone who handled it brilliantly, but actually what I think I was doing, was hiding it quite well. Therefore the stress built up, as did my denial about it. I used to want to be superwoman (I still do sometimes) and in my head superwoman coasted effortlessly through life, being lovely to everyone, coping with everything and looking…

A client asked me yesterday about strategy – how to create one and how to stick to one – and my answer was twofold: 1. Know what your purpose is in life (i.e. be intentional in all you do) and… 2. Start with the end in mind

I’ve written about gratitude before but it’s worth returning to, as it’s so very, very powerful. If you are feeling low or frustrated or heartbroken then focussing on the small positive things in your life will give you a boost, take you momentarily away from your negative thoughts and give you a new perspective on your situation.

I have a client, we’ll call him Tim*, who used to be terribly worried about getting things right and not making mistakes. He worked a normal 40-hour week but then spent an additional 15-20 hours each week trying to improve the work he’d already done or spot any mistakes he might’ve missed. You might think Tim had a tyrannical boss but the truth is he works for himself, runs his own consultancy and therefore the…

I’ve been realising increasingly that happiness or being ‘sorted’ is not about how my life looks from the outside but how I choose to respond to whatever happens. If I respond in fear or frustration I am likely to make a situation worse (or certainly feel worse about it) but, if I respond from a place of acceptance and calm I will likely retain my sense of balance and I then stand a far better…

As a coach, it’s my job to help people achieve what they want in life by setting goals and overcoming obstacles. But what if the thing you really want is staring you in the face and you just haven’t seen it yet?

What is your purpose in life? Like many people you might have no clue and, if you’re like some of the people who responded to my tweet about ‘purpose’ last week, you might also be very troubled by not knowing what your purpose is.

I was chatting with a friend the other day whose predicament reminded me of a situation I’d been in as a young woman in my early twenties. Having just split up with my long-term boyfriend I’d decided to take the opportunity of singleness to do some backpacking and see a bit of the world. As you can imagine, it was an amazing year packed to bursting with incredible experiences and wonderful people.

I have a theory about life and it goes something like this … when we focus on what we can give to life rather than what we can get out of it we become much happier, more fulfilled people (and we get what we need anyway). This is a giving life, not a getting life. Happy, confident people go out and give the best of themselves to life and gain huge satisfaction from doing so.…

How would you react if I told you we were leaving tomorrow to climb Mount Everest…? Unless you’re an experienced high-altitude climber, I imagine something like the following would run through your mind… “But, I can’t climb mountains!” “But, what about my job?” “But, I don’t have any equipment!” “I’m scared…”

Hamlet said, “for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” As we say goodbye to the summer and anticipate the onset of autumn we have a choice; we can either dread the colder, wetter weather or we can look forward to the leaves changing colour and the excitement of the build up to Christmas. It’s up to you – the end of summer can be a good thing or a…

Confidence. It’s one of those things we often envy in others, wondering how they so effortlessly present themselves to the world. Maybe you’re one of those people who comes across as really confident but is filled with self-doubt underneath. Or, perhaps you used to be really confident until so-and-so or such-and-such robbed you of your self-belief.

I’ve just started writing my first book and realised very early on that I need to devote an entire chapter to this thing we coaches call, ‘co-dependency’ otherwise known as ‘victim mentality’ and/or ‘control freakery’. It’s a weighty subject, one I know only too well and something I constantly need to check in my own life. It deserves a whole chapter because I think we all suffer with it to varying degrees and yet we…

As part of a recent Confidence Building Workshop, the delegates and I were discussing what confidence is and also what it isn’t. When I wrote the following statement on the board, “Confidence isn’t permanent,” there was a collective sharp intake of breath as light-bulb moments fired off across the room. This statement proved to be very powerful as it freed the people on my course from thinking that in order to be a confident person…

In tribute to the late Stephen R Covey and his brilliant book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (which, if you haven’t read I’d really recommend you do), I thought it would be interesting to look at the opposite. So here, from my own (and my clients’ experiences) is my list of the 7 Beliefs (“Thinking Habits”) sure to keep you unfulfilled, unhappy and unsuccessful…

I talk a lot about authenticity in my work, regularly encouraging my clients to find their authentic selves in order to lead happier, more fulfilling lives. So, what does it mean to be ‘authentic’?

Your best is enough… The more clients I see, the more I become convinced that we live in a culture where perfectionism is rife and I believe it’s sucking the life out of us. We try to sculpt our bodies into perfectly lean model sizes (unable to enjoy our normal bodies because they’re not “perfect”), we boast on Facebook about our perfect lives on our perfectly groomed summer lawns or in front of our perfectly…

Karen* came to me last year as she was at a crossroads in her life. She’d fallen into an unfulfilling career after university, and then had her children who were now all at school. Quite tearfully, she explained to me that the thought of returning to her former career filled her with dread but she had no idea what else she could do. She wanted to find her passion in life but didn’t know where…

Recently, I’ve been mulling what it means to ‘go with the flow.’ Why? Because I’m learning that when I do manage to let go of trying to control outcomes I have much more peace and things seem to just fall into place. So, how do I reconcile this with being a coach and helping people reach their goals…? A friend once complimented me on my work by saying it was, ‘self help without the wiff…

Are you someone who worries about the future and spends time fretting about the past? Most of us can relate to this state of mind and we all know it gets us nowhere. For some of us, this way of thinking becomes entrenched and consumes the majority of our thought-life, meaning we can never enjoy the moment. I know because I used to live this way myself.

Did you know that according to Human Needs Psychology there six basic human (non-physical) needs?  These are:

There are many temporary things we can do to boost our superficial feelings of confidence.  You know the kind of things I mean (you’ve probably Googled them). “Walk tall,” “Create eye contact,” “Smile,” “Dress smartly” etc etc.  And, there’s nothing wrong with all of these, especially if they help.

If there’s one thing unhappy people have in common it’s their resistance to life, as it is, right now.  Those who are unhappy usually idolise the past, bemoan the present and fear the future.   In fact, one of the greatest forms of personal pain is a lack of acceptance because it actually keeps us locked into the very thing that’s hurting us.  Resisting something just makes it bigger and more powerful.  Ask any surfer who…

Recently, I met a woman with a story that’s remarkable both for its sorrow and its joy.  She and I were chatting as we helped our little daughters change for their swimming lessons, and she mentioned that she’d previously had another daughter who’d died as an infant.  If that wasn’t enough, her marriage then floundered leaving her both childless and single.  I remarked that she must have been devastated when this had happened to which…

I’m a massive fan of the work of the late American coach, Stephen R Covey. His book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, has literally changed the lives of millions and his legacy is being felt in organisations and families across the world. I use much of his philosophy in my own coaching practice because his simple, principle-centred approach works. He died just over a year ago and to honour his enormous contribution, I thought…

It’s not everyday you get asked to take part in a fashion shoot – in fact, in my experience that NEVER happens.  But this year it did; proof that you never know what’s around the corner or where life will take you.  

I’m really excited to announce the launch of my 5 Steps to Lasting Confidence Workshops in Bath next February 2014.  This one-day course will equip you with everything you need to start building a firm foundation of solid self-esteem to ensure you begin achieving all your dreams and desires.  Places are limited to 25 and booking is easy through Eventbrite – or please feel free to contact me if you have any queries or need…

Did you know that your entire life is the product of your thoughts?  What I mean by this is that we create our own reality based on our paradigms and beliefs about life.  Let me give you an example…

Who’s really in charge of your life…? Do you have a goal for your life?  The next five years?  This year? This month?  The most successful people in life are goal orientated – they’ve decided what it is they want and have taken the necessary steps to get there.  These people might be successful in business, or as parents, or in sport or with their health.  Whatever it is they’ve decided they want to achieve…

This is one of my favourite coaching questions because it frees you up to a world of endless possibilities and injects a drop of confidence into your soul. Here’s a small example of how I’ve used this killer question recently with one of my clients…

Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I love a good analogy.  Why?  Because an analogy can unlock understanding like a key opens a door (You see? I can’t help myself!).  And so now I’d like to tell you why coaching is a bit like gardening…

For my first post as a qualified coach it seems appropriate to reflect on how I came to be a coach and write such a blog…