Painfully Perfect?
"I can’t possibly be a perfectionist! I never get anything right!"
This was my client’s response when I suggested she might be struggling with perfectionism. After she spoke, I remained silent and watched as the realisation hit her.
"Oh, wait! If I wasn’t a perfectionist, I wouldn’t always worry about getting everything right... right?"
BINGO!
As a confidence coach, I encounter perfectionism in my clients all the time. It’s a relentless cycle because perfection isn’t achievable – so you’re set up to fail from the start. It’s the ultimate trap.
Check this out:
Perfectionism: /pəˈfɛkʃ(ə)nɪz(ə)m/ Noun: Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.
Philosophy: A doctrine holding that perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained.
Believing perfection is achievable sets you up for a life of frustration and self-criticism. You may constantly feel you’re falling short, never quite ‘good enough’. Worse, you might judge others harshly when they don’t meet impossibly high standards – standards they never agreed to in the first place.
Signs you might be a perfectionist:
You constantly criticise yourself for not being ‘good enough’ – whether in appearance, performance, or achievements.
You frequently compare yourself to others.
You often think happiness will come after you achieve something: "When I lose weight... When I get promoted... When I find the perfect partner..."
You hold deep resentments towards others who ‘fall short’ of your expectations.
You struggle with low self-esteem and confidence.
You procrastinate, delaying tasks unless you’re sure you can excel.
You have a harsh inner critic constantly narrating your every move.
In short, perfectionism is the false belief that you (or others) can be perfect and therefore should be perfect.
But is perfection even possible? I genuinely don’t believe it is. Perfection is subjective. What seems perfect to one person can be completely flawed to another. For example, I love the rain. To me, a rainy morning is perfect for a reflective walk. Most people would argue that rain ruins the day – so how can we all agree on what ‘perfect’ is?
Our culture promotes perfectionism – but it’s a trap.
The perfect body – not possible.
The perfect home – not possible.
The perfect marriage – highly unlikely.
The perfect parent – definitely not.
The perfect job – you get the idea.
Our society often celebrates perfectionists as high achievers. Yet, many perfectionists are among the most anxious, unfulfilled people I know – constantly chasing a goal they can never truly reach.
So, what’s the antidote to perfectionism?
Acceptance. See life as it is – no judgement, just awareness. Accepting reality creates peace.
Doing your best. Simply focus on taking the next right step. Keep showing up, doing your best, and trust that life will meet you there.
Perfection is an illusion. Let it go.
P.S. If you’re ready to quieten your inner critic, my debut book Flying for Beginners will help you manage perfectionism and self-doubt. Available now on Amazon for £7.99.