The Comparison Trap October 13, 2016 – Posted in: Confidence – Tags: comparison, confidence, self esteem
Comparing yourself to another person will never give you the self-esteem you seek. Either you’ll decide you’re better than them, which will deliver a fleeting ego-hit that will leave you feeling uncomfortably superior but distanced from that person OR you’ll find yourself lacking, which will leave you deflated, self-loathing and resentful (oh, and again distanced from that other person).
So many of my clients are caught up in the comparison trap whereby they are daily scoring themselves against others and usually finding themselves lacking. This then sends them into a tailspin of worry and anxiety that they aren’t good enough.
It breaks my heart every time I hear someone say, “I should be further on by now!” or, “All my friends are much more successful than me!” WHY? Why should you be further on? By whose standards? And, further on in what, exactly?
How about living life by your own success criteria rather than by the standards of others? And, how about you compare yourself to no one because we are all different, we all had a different start in life and we are all uniquely talented (and challenged)?
I know someone with a brilliant job that pays her handsomely but whenever someone else in her company gets promoted she feels jealous, resentful and afraid that this person might have ‘overtaken’ her. The result? She’s not enjoying the great job and awesome salary she does have because she’s so worried that someone else might be doing better than her.
You will never find peace of mind or self-esteem while you are trying to beat others because life isn’t supposed to be lived this way.
Better to just get on with doing your best and encouraging others to do the same. Better to tend your own garden and let others worry about theirs…
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