Fear and Control July 8, 2015 – Posted in: Leaders and Teams, Personal Development, Relationships – Tags: , ,

Today I’ve been thinking a lot about how fear is so closely related to control. For example, if you are someone who worries (feels fear) about the future then this is likely because you don’t know what will happen, i.e. you are not in control! And, as a race, we don’t like to be without control…!

I used to worry myself stupid that something awful would happen to one of my children. The narrative used to go like this, “I won’t cope. It will be a disaster. I will never be able to find a way to experience joy again etc etc.” Round and around my head this worry went. I had no evidence for it, my children were safe and sound but I was worried about something that might happen over which I had no control.

I cannot begin to tell you the relief I experienced when I gave up my need for control (playing God) and replaced it with acceptance and trust. It has literally meant the difference between surviving and living.

I accept today that I have no control over many things; the weather, the day I will die, the people my children will marry, my past, how well my book is received etc etc.

There are many things I can influence; my reactions to people, my health (to a certain extent), my food choices, the amount of time I choose to spend with my kids etc etc.

But, the BIG stuff – the things that used to keep me up at night and cause anxiety – these things I ACCEPT I have no control over. I know I’ll be OK whatever happens and I TRUST in the process of life.

So, the antidote to fear is to see your need to control and to accept your powerlessness over the things you can’t control. As the famous prayer goes…

Grant me, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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