Be Real and be Free… November 4, 2015 – Posted in: Confidence, Personal Development – Tags: fear, freedom, growth, rejection, secrets, strength
One of the greatest privileges of my job is hearing people’s “stuff”. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being present for someone when they finally talk about the thing that’s been haunting and tormenting them for years. To be a vessel for this truth and courage is, quite frankly, an enormous honour. It’s a moment of deep connection and beauty – the kinda thing I live for!
But, I am always troubled by what it is that’s kept someone carrying their poison for so many years. Why do we fear rejection and judgement so much? Why are we so afraid to be real? So often someone would rather carry their shame (and its attendant anxiety) than be real and move on. I guess, until you’ve shared your shame and been able to move on you don’t understand that moving on is possible.
So, today I want to encourage you to find someone with whom you can be real. There’s a saying in the recovery movement that it’s our secrets that keep us sick. I wholeheartedly agree with this. We all have skeletons in our closets, we’ve all made mistakes. The problem is that by keeping quiet about these ‘secrets’ they start to eat us alive! They take on a life of their own. Our secrets start to own us, to drive us, to undermine us and to tell us we don’t deserve all the good things that life has to offer. If we’re not careful our secrets can become our masters.
I remember a client of mine from several years ago who had a ‘secret’ of a sexual nature. He’d told no one about this secret as he was afraid it’s poison might negatively affect them too – this is how big and real this ‘secret’ had become in his life. I encouraged him to tell me. I promised him I would remain unaffected by his secret and that I had arms big enough to carry whatever he brought to our session.
He told me. It was no bigger/worse/stranger than anything else I’d ever heard. I told him this. I gave him my honest opinion of things – that this secret was only a big secret because of his shame. But that I saw no reason for shame. That he could choose to be free because the ‘secret’ was no longer a secret and had therefore lost its power.
So he chose to believe me and was free. He physically changed in the session – it was like he grew taller somehow. The atmosphere in the coaching room changed. He relaxed, let go and forgave himself. He remains free today.
I’m not advocating you tell the whole world your stuff. Be wise in whom you confide. But, if you have a secret and it’s keeping you sick, tell someone and start walking into freedom. Because you deserve it – you really do…