Loving yourself is the most loving thing you can do for another March 1, 2016 – Posted in: Personal Development, Relationships – Tags: ,

March is LOVE month here at Jo Emerson Coaching – not the romantic stuff, but self love, which, ultimately, will make you a better lover so keep reading…

When I first heard the term ‘self love’ a couple of decades ago I was filled with actual horror. I mean, what arrogance to think that a person might love themselves! I was so busy playing myself down and mostly hating myself in order to gain approval (I had a pretty warped world view back then) that the thought of self love was actually laughable to me. I thought it was the height of arrogance and narcissism.

‘Naval gazing’ was a much-used term of derision for people who felt their feelings in my family of origin. I now realise that all my former low self-esteem and resulting attempts to get people to love me through self-deprecation were actually raging narcissism.

Self love is the opposite of narcissism.

It’s about meeting my own needs in order that I don’t manipulate others into doing so.
It’s about meeting my own needs so that I have the time and space to love others.
It’s about listening to my guts and trusting that they are my truth tellers.
It’s about knowing that I can cope with whatever life throws my way.
It’s about knowing the difference between compromising on who I am rather than what I might choose to do: which restaurant we might eat in/colour scheme we use in the lounge/TV programme we watch.
It’s about being able to say ‘no’ kindly but without apology.
It’s about knowing it’s OK to make mistakes and having compassion for myself when I do.
It’s about being able to ask for help.

Ultimately, it’s about giving myself what I need in order that I can then do the same for others. Because, if I can do all of the above for myself then I have template for how to love another.

It’s that simple but, of course, as a flawed human I can make it very, very complicated…

So, how can you develop more self-love? Watch out for Thursday’s post when I’ll start to unpack the how-to. In the meantime, start today by just being kind to yourself. Do one nice thing for yourself today and then maybe try to find a way to do something kind for another. Now, notice how good this makes you feel…

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