Episode 3 - Bryony Gordon - How can I stop people pleasing?

Tell Me Who You Really Are

00:00 / 00:58:40

Bryony Gordon needs no introduction. A bestselling author and Telegraph journalist she has been a major player in changing the conversations we can all now have around our mental health. She’s also the founder of Mental Health Mates – a charity offering peer support for those of us struggling with our mental health. By anyone’s standards, she’s a success and yet she battles with her confidence on a daily basis. In this episode, she allows us into the nooks and crannies of her mind as she and I unravel the root of her core belief that she’s bad in some way. This is such a powerful episode, one of those coaching sessions I leave feeling overwhelming amounts of gratitude for the work I am able to do.

Listen out for themes of co-dependency, addiction, intrusive thoughts and shame.

If you can relate to Bryony’s core belief that there’s something inherently wrong with you, here’s what I’d suggest:

Write down the evidence you have for your core belief. All of it.
Now, ask yourself how you would feel about another human being if they presented you with this evidence. Would you show them compassion? Would you be able to contextualise their behaviour?
Ask yourself what life might be like for you if you dropped the belief that you are bad in some way.
Next ask yourself what you are gaining by believing in your own badness. Remember, all behaviour has some kind of positive intention.
Lastly, consider this statement: no one benefits from me believing that I’m bad.
Now, for the next 24 hours I want you to go about your life as if you are not bad but actually a really good person. Try on this new way of thinking about yourself for a day. If you like it, try it again for another 24 hours and another until you have formed a new, healthy thought habit. I promise you, you are not bad.